Saturday Laughs

A hunt 2 remember · Oct 17, 2020

So here's one for the weekend funny...

A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."
Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"
Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough?"

Coachgun · Oct 17, 2020

A hunt 2 remember said:
Does "EXTRA HOT!!!" count?

Large coffee, extra hot...less than four words!

Coachgun · Oct 17, 2020

Three women worked in the same office with the same female boss. Each day, the boss left work early. One day, the women decided that when the boss left they would leave too. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how would she know they went home early?The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening, had some playtime with her son and went to bed early.The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa before meeting a dinner date.The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband. But when she got home, she heard a muffled noise coming from inside her bedroom. Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see her husband in bed with her boss! Gently, she closed the door and crept out of her house.The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead said they planned to leave early again and they asked the blonde if she was going to go with them. "No way," she said, "I almost got caught yesterday!"

Coachgun · Oct 24, 2020

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind the bar and knocking over other peoples drinks and is really obnoxious. The monkey then jumps on the pool table and swallows a billiard ball.

The bartender screams at the guy, “your monkey just ate the cue ball off my pool table!”

“I’m sorry”, replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little SOB. I promise I’ll pay for everything.”

The man finishes his drink and pays the bartender for all the damages including the cue ball.

A few weeks go by and the man comes back into the bar with his monkey. He orders a drink and the monkey again starts running around the bar knocking over drinks and finds a maraschino cherry. He grabs it and sticks it up his butt, pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now”, he asks?

“Yeah”, replies the guy. “He still eats everything in sight but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures things first!”

A hunt 2 remember · Oct 24, 2020

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'

Coachgun · Oct 31, 2020

Coachgun · Nov 7, 2020

Coachgun · Nov 14, 2020

On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window.

Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip strobe light.

Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Coachgun · Nov 21, 2020

Coachgun · Nov 28, 2020

Bob and his wife Hazel were sitting next to a drunk in a bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "Attention all!!" and farts loudly clearing out everyone within 12 feet of him.

Hazel is extremely embarrassed, and Bob looks at the drunk and says, "Excuse me, you just farted before my wife."

The drunk replies, "I'm sorry I should have remembered, ladies first!"

Coachgun · Dec 5, 2020

Pflom · Dec 6, 2020

Coachgun said:
In the spirit of football season...

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

That’s good

A hunt 2 remember · Dec 9, 2020

One early Monday morning while sitting in the back office, the owner of a business gets a phone call.. He answers and it is one of his employees.... The young man starts off with... Me no feel good, me sick, me no make work today.... The boss expecting a busy day tells his employee.... I'll tell you what, here's what I do when I'm feeling sick in the morning... after starting coffee, I head back upstairs and have morning sex with my wife... After a good roll in the rack I usually feel MUCH BETTER and I'm ready for a PRODUCTIVE DAY!!! Maybe you should give that a try.... The young man replies thats a GREAT IDEA!!! I GIVE TRY!!

About an hour goes by...... The phone rings.... it's the employee.... Me try that... but still no feel good... no make it to work today....

BTW.... You have very nice home......

A hunt 2 remember · Dec 11, 2020

Today as I was walking to the store, over in the corner of the parking lot I saw two blind guys fighting.... They were really going at it. Should have seen their faces when I said, " My money is on the guy with the knife".......

Coachgun · Dec 12, 2020

A hunt 2 remember · Dec 15, 2020

Coachgun · Dec 19, 2020

[SIZE=12pt]A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]“Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. [/SIZE]I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out and I’ve got a really good feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that!”

[SIZE=12pt]“I’m pretty positive after this first time, there’ll be many more times so you’d better give me the 12 pack.”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]The young man makes his purchase and leaves.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. [/SIZE]He asks if he could say the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer and continues praying for several minutes.

[SIZE=12pt]The girl leans over to him and says, “You never told me you were such a religious person?”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=12pt]The boy leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me your father was a pharmacist!”[/SIZE]

A hunt 2 remember · Dec 23, 2020

T'was a week before

Christmas, and all through the town, people wore masks, that covered their

frown. The frown had begun way back in the spring when a global pandemic changed everything. They called it corona, but unlike the

beer, It didn’t bring good times, it didn’t bring cheer.

Airplanes were grounded, travel was banned. Borders were closed across air, sea, and land. As the world entered lockdown to flatten the curve, the economy halted, and folks lost their nerve. From March to July we rode the first wave, people stayed home, they tried to behave. When summer emerged the lockdown was lifted, but away from caution, many folks drifted. Now it’s December and cases are spiking, wave two has arrived, much to our disliking. It’s true that this year has had sadness a-plenty, we’ll never forget the year 2020. And just ‘round the corner - The holiday season, but why be merry? Is there even one reason? To decorate the house and put up the tree, who will see it, no one but me. But outside my window, the snow gently falls, and I think to myself, let’s deck the halls! So, I gather the ribbon, The garland, and bows, as I play those old carols, my happiness grows. Christmas is not canceled and neither is hope. If we lean on each other, I know we can cope...Keep it going!

️
Merry Christmas family and friends!!!!